Congratulations Mr. Harper, you won.

Forgive me for being a bit late with this, it's been a whole week now since the election, but I needed some time to mourn, some time to reflect, but mostly some time to enjoy the marvelous spring weather with our guests here in Holland. I mean really, there are more important things in life.

You were right, this really was the election we didn't need. Voter turnout took another hit, despite good numbers at the advance polls. But those nine months of negative ads, personal attacks, and bald faced lies (like the $75 iPod tax) seemed to have worked.

I didn't vote today. It wasn't because of apathy, or disgust, or laziness. I really did try. Here is my story.

For our second Question Period soundboard installment, we bring you the dramatic and psycho-therapeutic stylings of Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino and Dr. Phil.

Our QP grand master, John Baird, recites a few of my Jack Nicholson favorites.

Tony Clement, our minister for mathematically challenged statisticians (snort) does a few Al Pacino lines.

Good day loyal members of the Harper Government™. These are the best of times and the worst of times. We now face an unnecessary election that threatens to destabilize the economy and cost Canadians thousands of jobs. But we are ready!

I must congratulate all of you for managing the message so well over the last few months, with particular praise to those who stood so proudly for us in the House of Commons during Question Period.

I can't begin to tell you all how pleased I am at how we have managed to redefine the words courageous, criminal, democracy and accountability. I predicted some years ago that Canadians would not recognize Canada when I'm were done with it. But we are NOT done. This is just the beginning.

As you all know, I am very careful about who I select as my trusted advisors. Bruce Carson Matt Foley was one of my favorites, mainly for his work in curbing hookers marijuana addiction.

In the four years that we have lived outside of Canada, there have been some events that have surprised, shocked, and angered us. Now we are wondering if we should return.

The worst, without a doubt, was on June 26 & 27 last year in Toronto. That is when Prime Minister Stephen Harper hosted the G8/G20 meetings. Harper has barely commented on the most important events that weekend. His majesty stays above it all.

His government has made every effort to thwart a proper public inquiry. Instead they have supported a hodge-podge of toothless panels, committees, and review boards populated by people more concerned keeping their jobs and ducking responsibility.

So I'm back from the Drupal convention in Chicago last week and it was a great experience (with the exception of the airports and planes). It was my first ever convention, and I expected about 500 people, tops. There were over 3,000.

Chicago has an amazing skyline and some very impressive architecture, a blend of old and new. I've never seen so many cabs or stretch limos, but then I've never been to New York either.

One of the best things about the American experience are the restaurants and the customer service. A waiter is at your table in a minute. If you can make a decision quickly; you can order your meal when he returns with the drinks. I am no longer accustomed to this.

The Sheraton hotel that hosted the convention was full so I stayed at the Palomar - about 15 minutes away. It was a better price, the room and staff were wonderful, and the internet worked, unlike the Sheraton. No regrets at all.

There is a restaurant in the Sheraton called Shula's steakhouse. One item on the menu is a 48 ounce porterhouse steak. I must be in America.

Meet the Honourable John Baird.

The pit-bull of Question Period.

The Minister who can answer almost all questions by reminding the House of the Liberal sponsorship scandal. Under pressure, he can repeat the same non-answer 11 different ways, and still look at himself in the mirror the next morning.

This is a talking head page. Move the mouse over the mouth to hear what John Baird has to say.

So I was listening to one of my favourite songs the other day (no, it wasn't Stephen Harper singing A Little Help From My Friends - but keep reading) when a bit of inspiration struck me.

Loser

I'm a music guy. This song is one of the few I love for the lyrics alone. The music is pretty sparse, except for percussion. The lyrics are mostly nonsense, but the rhymes and the rhythms just get in your head.

My favorite music video of all times. Street musicians from around the world performing a great song.

Dedicated to all the street people in Egypt, Libya, Tunisia, Bahrain, and Gaza. We stand by you.

I have this 8 year old desktop computer that has been an endangered species for some time. It crashes randomly, sometimes once a week, but occasionsally up 6 times in a single day. Sometimes when it crashes it just beeps and reboots, sometimes it's a Blue Screen of Death (BSOD).

So - really boring, and really, really unreliable. Who could like something like this?

Nonetheless, this computer and its web page now has a fan club. You can sign up for a name and password, and leave a comment. A valid e-mail address is needed to activate the account but hey, with Google mail, that is no problem.