The Loser Campaign

Stephen Harper was in New York to accept the World Statesman of the Year award from some obscure organization called the Appeal of Conscience Foundation, founded by an equally obscure New York City rabbi.

He had been invited to address the United Nations General Assembly, but for some reason he is passing on that opportunity. It did not go so well the first time around. As Homer Simpson once said "If you don't succeed the first time, just give up".

Here my top 10 reasons why Stephen Harper has been awarded World Statesman of the Year.

Now that I have finished praising Steven Harper, it's time to serve some cold cuts and leftovers.

One of the best bits of news (for me anyways) was the resounding defeat of Lawrence Cannon. The media had a bit of fun with this, and why not?

This is a story about an incumbent candidate (always the favorite) with the prestigious title of Minister of Foreign Affair, representing the Conservative party, heavily favoured to win.

And he lost! Lawrence Cannon, defying all odds, once again managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory! A repeat of his magnificient failure to win a seat on the UN Security Council, another Canadian first.

Congratulations Mr. Harper, you won.

Forgive me for being a bit late with this, it's been a whole week now since the election, but I needed some time to mourn, some time to reflect, but mostly some time to enjoy the marvelous spring weather with our guests here in Holland. I mean really, there are more important things in life.

You were right, this really was the election we didn't need. Voter turnout took another hit, despite good numbers at the advance polls. But those nine months of negative ads, personal attacks, and bald faced lies (like the $75 iPod tax) seemed to have worked.

I didn't vote today. It wasn't because of apathy, or disgust, or laziness. I really did try. Here is my story.

Good day loyal members of the Harper Government™. These are the best of times and the worst of times. We now face an unnecessary election that threatens to destabilize the economy and cost Canadians thousands of jobs. But we are ready!

I must congratulate all of you for managing the message so well over the last few months, with particular praise to those who stood so proudly for us in the House of Commons during Question Period.

I can't begin to tell you all how pleased I am at how we have managed to redefine the words courageous, criminal, democracy and accountability. I predicted some years ago that Canadians would not recognize Canada when I'm were done with it. But we are NOT done. This is just the beginning.

As you all know, I am very careful about who I select as my trusted advisors. Bruce Carson Matt Foley was one of my favorites, mainly for his work in curbing hookers marijuana addiction.

In the four years that we have lived outside of Canada, there have been some events that have surprised, shocked, and angered us. Now we are wondering if we should return.

The worst, without a doubt, was on June 26 & 27 last year in Toronto. That is when Prime Minister Stephen Harper hosted the G8/G20 meetings. Harper has barely commented on the most important events that weekend. His majesty stays above it all.

His government has made every effort to thwart a proper public inquiry. Instead they have supported a hodge-podge of toothless panels, committees, and review boards populated by people more concerned keeping their jobs and ducking responsibility.

Meet the Honourable John Baird.

The pit-bull of Question Period.

The Minister who can answer almost all questions by reminding the House of the Liberal sponsorship scandal. Under pressure, he can repeat the same non-answer 11 different ways, and still look at himself in the mirror the next morning.

This is a talking head page. Move the mouse over the mouth to hear what John Baird has to say.

So I was listening to one of my favourite songs the other day (no, it wasn't Stephen Harper singing A Little Help From My Friends - but keep reading) when a bit of inspiration struck me.

Loser

I'm a music guy. This song is one of the few I love for the lyrics alone. The music is pretty sparse, except for percussion. The lyrics are mostly nonsense, but the rhymes and the rhythms just get in your head.