Canada's Harper Announces New Coalition Government

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In a surprising new development in the Canadian political landscape, Prime Minister Stephen Harper, leader of a minority government that faced an opposition party coalition challenge less than 4 months ago, made a surpise announcement that the Progressive Conservatives have formed a coalition with the Jewish Defense League and the Canadian Jewish Congress.

When asked how that could be, as the JDL and CJC did not run any candidates the last election, Mr. Harper explained that he had it on good authority that the JDL was, in the opinion of government officials, a bonafide legitimate party with important representation across the country.

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He then handed over questions to Minister of Deportation, Facism and Xenophobia, Jason Kenney, who went on to explain that officials within CBSA, CSIS, RCMP, FBI, CIA, MI6, MOSSAD, IRS and other undisclosed departments had determined that if the JDL had and CJC been on the ballot in the last Canadian Federal election, they would have won a number of seats, thus making it possible to form a stable coalition government in Canada.

Mr Kenney then went on to explain that, based on information that that government has received but was not at liberty to disclose for national security reasons, Canadians want a strong, stable government with a clear mandate. Any Canadian that disagrees with this is asked to forward their objections, in writing, to the Minister of Deportation. This is not about free speech Mr. Kenney was quick to add.

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Meir Weinstein, Director of the Jewish Defense League, has been appointed the new Minister of Truth and Homeland Security. Mr. Wienstein was recently responsible for supplying the government with the crucial information it needed to ban British Member of Parliament George Galloway from entering Canada. Mr Galloway had been invited to invited to speak to some bleeding heart liberal, Christian based, anti-war group in Toronto. Weinstein was able to prove that a recent humanitarian relief convoy to Gaza organized by Mr. Galloway was actually financial and material aid to a terrorist organization. This is not an issue of free speech! Mr. Weinstein was quick to add.

Pursuant to his discussion with Galloway in an ITV interview on March 20, 2009, Weinstein re-iterated that every Canadian who supported George Galloway's right to enter Canada, including the 10,518 members of the Facebook group Let Him Speak: Allow George Galloway To Speak In Canada will now be investigated for their links to terrorism. The security of all Canadians is the primary concern now.

Weinstein, who is also on record saying We also back the right of Arabs to leave Israel and to go to other countries. The government should make incentives, also announced that plans are in the works to fulfill this new mandate.

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He also added that Canadians who have left the country will not automatically have their passports renewed or replaced by the government until officials have cleared any claimants for links to terrorism. It is also important that the views of a claimant are in line with the views of the government. This is not an issue of free speech Mr. Weinstein was quick to add.

Minister Weinstein also announced plans to open walk-in circumcision clinics across the country for Canadians who are considering travelling abroad and who wish to increase their chances of returning to Canada with a minimum of fuss. We want a show of commitment from all Canadians. If you are not with us, then you are against us said Minister Weinstein.

Bernie Farber, the CEO of the Canada Jewish Congress, praised the new coalition and its recent accomplishments in making Canada safe from terrorists.

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To date, there has not been a single suicide bomber incident or terrorist attack by Hamas in Canada yet. If fact, Hamas has not been able to carry out a terrorist attack anywhere in the world other than Israel.

Farber also indicated that he was working on a government assisted bailout package for Canwest, the Canadian media giant now facing bankruptcy. He spoke of the importance of the many Canwest newspapers, TV and Radio stations of shaping opinion across the country.

A CBC reporter, armed with a notepad and pencil, asked of the wisdom of these new policies. He was immediated tasered by four armed and armoured RCMP security officers and sent to Syria for questioning. Torture is not condoned by the government unless deemed absolutlely necessary for the purposes of national security. This is not a matter of free speech Mr. Farber was quick to add.